Widespread suspicions that we may be entering the biblical "end times" for civilisation were confirmed today, as Disney announced that High School Musical 4 is already in the pipeline. With the third film in the series not even completed yet, the move has been commonly understood to mark the end of all that is good about the world, humanity, and everything worth saving of our wretched, pitiful existence.

The exact date of the inevitable apocalypse is unknown, as is the availability of Zac Efron, but the final crushing blow to the flickering flame of the human spirit will probably premiere as a TV movie in the first instance.

The entire world was united in horror today as bad news continued to flow from the new Terminal 5 at Heathrow. Opened last week, the new terminal has become a symbol of national shame for Britain, as scores of passengers were inconvenienced by missing baggage and cancelled flights.

Many have been so shocked by the front page news that support groups have had to be established, for those still reeling from disturbing revelations such as baggage sometimes gets lost, brand new airport terminals don't always run smoothly from the first day, and - perhaps most disturbingly of all - flights can sometimes be cancelled.