Widespread suspicions that we may be entering the biblical "end times" for civilisation were confirmed today, as Disney announced that High School Musical 4 is already in the pipeline. With the third film in the series not even completed yet, the move has been commonly understood to mark the end of all that is good about the world, humanity, and everything worth saving of our wretched, pitiful existence.

The exact date of the inevitable apocalypse is unknown, as is the availability of Zac Efron, but the final crushing blow to the flickering flame of the human spirit will probably premiere as a TV movie in the first instance. "We've got five years," said humanity's spokesperson David Bowie yesterday, "what a surprise - five years, stuck on my eyes." He then mentioned all the fat skinny people, and all the tall short people.

The four horsemen were unavailable for comment.