The nation celebrated into the early hours last night, as a proud English team valiantly reclaimed their title as the Moral Victors of Just About Everything.

Narrowly avoiding the shame of a 2-1 win over hosts Portugal in Euro 2004, and the humilation of proceeding to a semi-final, England fans everywhere exploded with delight when referee Urs Meier naturally disallowed the winning goal by Sol Campbell. Undeserved extra time and penalties secured England's plucky exit, and their corageous Moral Victory over the whole tournament.

"If there was any justice in the world, we'd be going on to win the championship in a couple of weeks", said one fan. "Luckily, by being the moral victors of just about everything, we've been able to win it much sooner. God bless the ref."

England haven't tasted moral victory at European level since 1996, despite taking the moral high-ground at successive World Cups, most recent Wimbledon's, and a number of world wars.