This is how to make a lot of money out of a nation with a rapidly fading sense of religious observance and a childish reliance on tradition and consumer led ceremony

Forget crap gameshows, forgive Hale & Pace, the worst thing to ever happen to British TV was the Docusoap.

No one was stunned today as two people that nobody knows announced their separation. There were no reasons given for the breakup, as no one asked. Neither person is about to launch a new single. Meanwhile, the sudden death today, of somebody, has not rocked the showbiz world. Glowing tributes have not been made in the national press, and there are no plans, as yet, for a permanent memorial in Hollywood.

Just in case any humourless Americans are looking at the site, here are some things which will make you laugh. This way you won't have to waste valuable minutes of your time leaving pointless messages in my guestbook about how pointless the site is, and how irritated you are that it's wasted valuable minutes of your time without making you laugh.

There is perhaps no more evil an invention than the sadistic implement known as the answerphone. Designed by someone with an obvious disdain for communication, this device exists solely for the purpose of removing any actual advantage in using the telephone.