Jodphurs K. Bingo
Jodphurs K Bingo. One of the strangest creations of Tim's youth. For this he is truly sorry.
An Introduction to JKB
Submitted by Tim on Tue, 30/05/2006 - 08:03.The Jodphurs K Bingo stories are pretty weird. I may as well say that right now. They're also quite badly written, and the only reason I put them on Boinng in the first place, back when the site started, was as filler.
I wrote the first of them (which later became the second episode) one day in 1995, mostly to amuse myself, and sent a copy to Jayne, who seemed to like it. Since I was flunking out of uni at the time I had some time on my hands, so I carried on and wrote a few more, starting with a new first episode to try, unsuccessfully, to make sense out of the original. It kind of went on from there.
I don't know where I got any of this from, so don't even ask. I never did know how it was all going to end, which is why it doesn't. Like most of the rest of this site, Jodphurs just is.
Jodphurs- Episode 6
Submitted by Tim on Tue, 30/05/2006 - 08:03.MARTHA AND THE BURGER KINGS
So let's just recap, shall we? There's this bloke called Jodphurs, and everything gets a bit strange, and now they've stolen a car. Are we clear on this? He's sitting in the car now, with his alien friend Deng. Look. There he is. He's in the car.
Jodphurs- Episode 5
Submitted by Tim on Tue, 30/05/2006 - 07:20.BARRAGIOFLASH AND THE BISCUIT
It is the night of Friday, 13th September, 2050. Deep in the bowels of Great Englandshire, shattered dominion of the New German Empire, lies a bombed out town named Basildon.
Jodphurs- Episode 4
Submitted by Tim on Tue, 30/05/2006 - 07:15.INTRODUCING JAMES BINGHAM, AND THE END OF TIME
Deng was dreaming as the acceleration pounded into him again, the engines of the SS Clockwork firing for the third time that century. His face was already blackened with bruises, by a force heavy enough to break every bone in his body. Fortunately, there were no bones in his body- they had been removed before the trip, and replaced with a plastic skeleton. That was strong enough to take anything- although it did squeak annoyingly when he had first tried jogging with it, all those years ago. That was what he dreamt of, as he was projected deeper and deeper into the hollow wastelands between the galaxies- jogging, along the beach at home, over sand-dunes and in and out of the sea. It had been a very long dream. He was losing track of how far he had run.
Jodphurs- Episode 3
Submitted by Tim on Tue, 30/05/2006 - 07:10.A GOAT IN TIME
Jodphurs K. Bingo opened his eyes for the first time in two hundred years, and blinked. A nurse told him to close them again and take it easy for a few minutes, whilst they defrosted him.
Jodphurs- Episode 2
Submitted by Tim on Tue, 30/05/2006 - 07:05.THE CLASH OF THE FLAMETHROWING MOOSES
Jodphurs K. Bingo whistled merrily to himself, as he opened the throttle on his rebuilt twin-speed donkey and its afterburners howled behind him, like a menaced ladybird with a megaphone. "I'm off to see the Great Monk", he sang happily to the midnight air of post-holocaust deserted Basildon, "and learn all his secrets, including his recipe for worldwide destruction."
Jodphurs- Episode 1
Submitted by Tim on Tue, 30/05/2006 - 07:03.MR PATRIOT
Jodphurs K. Bingo was almost tall. That was his best feature. When this initial impression faded, the observer was left with a scrawny bloke with a runny nose and a head which, if they cared enough to look at it in profile, closely resembled a goat's.