Humm most silly yet has some elements of truth and somehow i doubt it'll ever get into the mainstream psychology books...which is a shame cos it's a good theory deep down

Cheese I choose you!

From a personal perspective, having read no more than the foundations page; I'd just like to say
BOLLOCKS.

I disagree totally with what that little theoretical guy says because of my own worldview when talking to women. Sorry if that makes me a little odd, but there you have it.

Having read a little more of that site, and without swearing a lot more, all I can say is that I'm deeply offended.

it has merit

Delete! Delete!

How can you be offended? If you don't agree, don't agree, but I don't see how you'd be offended by it.

Delete! Delete!

i agree with andy for one hundred percent... i wasnt really going to comment cause i think it's all just crap, but i'm commenting anyway.

explain this to me :

he first says a woman can't have a male friend.
even if she would never consider him to be anymore than a friend, he will always want to have sex with her.
(i can imagine how some guys can be offended by this, for example)
ok.
then he says (few pages later), well, for all the women out there who are still having doubts, name a friend who you think is really just a friend. if he really wouldnt consider you to be more than a friend, this is because
1. he's gay
2. he doesnt find you attractive
3. he found something better than you

sooooo...
i am female, i have a male friend who isnt attracted to me, perfectly normal and possible, right?

to me he's just contradicting himself really...

why would all guys be automaticly attracted by any woman? i mean, i can understand people that are sexually frustrated, but would they really have sex with *any* woman? that would be very sad, right?

~Schuimkind~
[ This message was edited by: Venus on 2003-06-15 16:11 ]

He's not talking on a conscious level, this poor fool has a good idea but no ablitly to describe it with out swearing or being offencive. He seems to neglect to mention that it's mainly sub-conscious and that the head can't follow the heart. Read into Freud he goes into detail on sex and how we try and get it (usually with our parents, now thats offencive!) but this person has come up with a mechanism that we have no idea happens. i mean how many girls do you know who go off with a lad because he's alittle bit dangerious(or even alot) come on guys we've all seen it. this persons pet theory needs alittle work to smooth it out thats all.

On a lighter note this might possibly tie into it all. http://www.scienceblog.com/community/article1737.html (sorry but the url buttons stopped working)

And you've been so busy lately, that you haven't found the time to open up your mind. And watch the world spinning, gently. Out of time.[ This message was edited by: Sgt_Oddball on 2003-06-15 17:11 ]

Cheese I choose you!

you can argue about the way he expresses this theory, and you can certainly argue about the exceptions (as there are to any theory) but there is certainly a grain or two of truth to most of it. that might be hard for some people to admit, but that doesn't make it wrong..

Delete! Delete!

Ok, some of the points could be true, but i reckon thats because of pure coincedence. The freindship thing is both true and untrue. I'm trying to write this as best as i can as i am one half of a couple.
I have many male friends, and to be perfectly honest i wouldnt want to be in a relationship or, as it is put: "nail" any of them.
This may be because of their looks, but by all accounts it is because i selected them as friends, and not as potential boyfriends. That is why i judge them as friends. Also, im with someone who i can truely say that im in love with. Also, if any of my male friends were ever thinking of me as more than a friend, i know they wouldnt tell me, and it wouldnt interfere with our friendship, because if they ever did let me know, our friendship would be over, because they would have lost my respect.
Also, the part where it says that women mostly find a male attractive if he has money is untrue, but they have made it so we cant deny it, as it is said:
Most women read this and say something like, "Well I'm not the average woman because..blah...blah...not true...blah blah...my boyfriend/lover/husband/masseuse was poor...blah...blah."

Well, what else are we meant to say?
It is totally from a male point of view. I am not in any way typecasting, it's the last thing i want to do, but its obvious that he's been dumped for being poor/ugly/a bastard and so is trying to make himself feel better, and possibly clever at the same time.

mike is an outlaw biker

Delete! Delete!

the thing is, i can invent whatever theory i want about relationships, say whatever i want about males and females, and it will always be true cause there will always be enough examples to prove me right. why? because relationships between male and female (just like relationships between the same sexes) are always complicated.

and another thing, he says it all happens subconsciencly and we therefor dont know about these mechanisms, but that doenst mean i should believe it because i'm too stupid / too offended. (as a reply to oddbal)

on a different note :
smurfgal, why would a male friend lose your respect if he'd tell you he's in love with you?

btw, nobody replied to me having a perfectly good friendship with a male who isnt attracted to me. (this is possible you know)

the theory doesn't say its NOT POSSIBLE, just that the guy will always want to have sex with the girl, unless hes one of the 3 exceptions.

Party!

see that's the whole point ! it's perfectly possible if neither of the two is attracted to the other, so he has no point at all.

and anyway, even if one of the two is attracted to the other, a friendship is still possible.
i'm not getting his point, you're not getting my point, i'm shutting up

My experience:
Women can have male friends without a problem, as one of my best friends is a girl. But however, I am attracted to her and the beauty of this is that she knows this. I told her that, she's fine with it, I'm fine with it, and we're great friends.

The friend would lose my respect because he would know that im in a wonderful relationship, and in my opinion no-one could compare to Mike, and so if a male told me he liked me as more than a friend, whilst knowing that im with Mike, he obviously wouldnt have any respect for my feelings, and we wouldnt be able to carry on being friends.
Note, it's in my opinion.

So it would be ok if he didn't tell it?

What if he just told you that he likes you more than as just a friend, but he doesn't go further than that and just acts like a normal friend?
(kind of like 1 human being loving another human being without sexe being part of it)

i understand that opinion smurfgal, it's just that, i've been on the other side... a (very good) friend of mine had a good relationship, but i couldnt help falling for him. i told him, because i couldnt keep it to myself anymore. i didnt expect anything from him, i just wanted to be honest with him. and he helped me through it. that was a year ago, and atm, he's still my best friend...

btw, this illustrated how i believe that you can be friends with the other sex, when neither of the two is attracted to the other, but it is also possible when one of the two has feelings for the other. it's hard, but a true friendship survives it.

Yeah, but i cant really comment on that unless i've experienced it. I have probably more male friends than female, but i can only give my opinion on it, as none of them have actually come up and told me that they've fallen for me. But i gave my opinion as to what i'd think if that happened.
Hopefully it never will, because it would make things complicated, and i dont like complication.
And like i said, regarding your case, you could comment on it and give your opinion, wheras i can only give my opinion.
Besides, when you told your friend that you liked him, did his g/f find out? If so, what was her reaction?

You know what I hate: when people start to act all weird towards you after they've gotten to know that you've kinda fallen for them.

I can't see anything threatening in that, and it makes it only harder for the person who has a crush, if the other one can't cope with it.

Argh- you're getting me all wrong now.
I wouldn't act all weird towards them, its just that i'd feel they were expecting more than friendship from me, and i couldnt, and wouldnt want to give anything more.
I dont agree with it, it just is.
Like when you get jealous about something over nothing.
You cant help it, it's just the way you feel and you cant change it.
That's the way the friend would feel too, they like you and they cant help it, but the other person cant help their reaction. It's just something that happens and you cant help it.
I'm sorry if you're taking what im saying the wrong way, but it is very difficult to put into words anyway.

i understand what you're saying, i suppose it's different from person to person. i was lucky and my friend took it very well, and we just sat down and talked about it, several times a month..
at the time he was dating this girl who lived quite far away from me, so i never actually met her, even though they dated for quite some time. i'm quite sure he never told her though, and i wouldnt see why he would have, as it was my problem only, not his...

smurf-gal, it wasn't meant towards you, just generally speaking. Me for myself, I would keep my expectations low just to protect myself.[ This message was edited by: Quad on 2003-06-18 08:58 ]

Good lord, how things change!

??? how so?

Cheese I choose you!

Look at some of the post smurf_gal made about me earlier in this thread....

let's not get bitter seriously, i know fuck all about relationships (my own are few and generally catastrophic) but i do know this: things change, and people change. sometimes the relationships change with them, sometimes they don't. it's not pretty, and it's not like the songs, but it happens.

Delete! Delete!