Seven Day TV Guide
MONDAY-
On Monday it is important to
position the TV in the vicinity of a qualified hairdresser.
This will ensure proper reception of all four channels, and
maintain peace in Eastern Africa.
TUESDAY-
Won't you come Black hole
Sun, so sings Terry Wogan at the beginning of today's
hilarious edition of Aunties Celebrity Explosions
(8pm, BBC1). The classic clips include Thora Hird's fatal
incident with an anti-personnel mine, and another chance to
see that hilarious footage of the Challenger disaster.
Hilarious.
WEDNESDAY-
On How do they do
that? we learn the professional secrets behind
reading without moving your lips, and Eammon Holmes has a
special report on the invention of fire. Also this evening,
voices in the TV will tell you to boil up the neighbour's
guinea pig and serve it with a robust red.
THURSDAY-
Esther Rantzen asks: Why is
Wednesday spelt so funny? Controversy reigns during the
heated debate, with guests including the Birmingham housewife
who lost her entire family and two of her front teeth over
the issue. Watch out for after the credits, when Ms Rantzen
has her skin sucked off by killer whales. Hilarious.
FRIDAY-
Tonight there is an hour long
Coronation Street special, as Jack and Vera
take a walk down memory lane- leading the rest of the cast in
rousing barber-shop renditions of such timeless family
favourites as White Cliffs of Dover, The Theme from the
Deerhunter, and Soundgarden's Fell on Black Days.
ITV promise to triple transmission power and beam the show
into living rooms and outhouses all over the world. Oh no,
I've just come in my pants.
SATURDAY-
Dale Winton.
Ha ha. Ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha oh no, I've done it again.
SUNDAY-
And now it's time for the
penguin on top of the television to explode (visual gag (c)
Monty Python, 1970).
