George Lucas' great talents as a script writer are often overlooked. Here, we find some valuable life lessons in the texts of The Phantom Menace...

"I will not condone a course of action that will lead us to war."

It is very important to think ahead at all times, and try to avoid the pitfalls that may lie around the corner. Do you really need that new Hi-Fi? Should you eat the side salad first or the pizza? Will leaving the dishes to soak a little longer lead inevitably to countless years of intergalactic struggle for survival against an all powerful imperialist aggressor?

"A communications disruption can mean only one thing: invasion."

Often overlooked, the failure of a mobile phone or internet connection can often be attributed to interference from an alien technology, in preparation for wholesale slaughter of the innocents and a monopoly on premium rate personal numbers.

"At last we will reveal ourselves to the jedi- at last we will have revenge."

We all feel this from time to time, don't we? It's quite natural to seek a little recognition for our talents, especially when faced with those seemingly perfect workmates who can't seem to put a foot wrong.. but sometimes we take things a little too far and all that pent up resentment gets the better of us. Before you know it, you're showing off with a double-ended light saber and doing all sorts of silly things that are going to embarrass you in the morning. The Karaoke industry was built on this kind of thing. So relax, take a few deep breaths, and concentrate on what really matters- galactic domination.

"Is the people gonna die?!"

Sadly the answer to this is often yes, as the people are expendable, unlike the "cute" and expensive muppet-inspired morons who say this sort of crap.

"I was not elected to watch my people suffer and die while you discuss this invasion in a commitee."

Democracy is a failure. Long live the Emperor.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Quite.